Signs that nesting won’t work for your family

Going through a divorce involves a lot of commotion and newness for both parents and their little ones. However, taking steps to ease the transition and consciously co-parent can make a world of difference.

One way some families have been able to slowly change up family dynamics is by nesting. A nesting arrangement often involves keeping the family home and making it the child’s permanent home. So, instead of having kids shuffle back-and-forth from mom’s place to dad’s place, the parents will live between two homes. And when it’s not your parenting time while nesting, you will have to rent or purchase a new home where you’d spend your time on days without your children.

Pitfalls of nesting

Nesting isn’t a solid option for parents who want to learn what single parenting is like in the comfort of a space that’s familiar to them. Additionally, kids may feel more secure with not having to go through a big move or custody exchanges all while trying to absorb the fact that their parents are no longer together. While considering a nesting arrangement, it’s essential to understand not only the benefits, but the downfalls too.

For example, if you and your ex find that getting space from one another is going to be one of the best things to come from your divorce, then you might want to rethink nesting. Even though you won’t technically have to be in the home at the same time, it will probably still involve crossing paths frequently. And you will come across reminders of your ex through the house, both by seeing the physical items they may keep there and through recalling memories you experienced in the home together.

Plus, taking care of the home expenses and responsibilities will involve more conversation time with your former spouse than typical co-parents may have to maintain. So, nesting won’t work for parents who desire strict boundaries.

Lastly, parents with opposing aspirations for post-divorce life may experience friction that will cause a nesting set-up to quickly fall apart. For instance, maybe one parent is hoping to completely restart their life after divorce by seeking out a new city to live in, new friends or even a new career. If so, then it’s very possible that living at the same address will soon be inconvenient for that parent.

Alternatives to nesting

If your family likes the nesting arrangement in theory but you’re second-guessing it, then it’s crucial to note that there are other ways to make divorce more digestible for everyone involved.

One way that parents can do this is by moving to new homes that aren’t far way from their current home or far away from one another. This will make custody exchanges breezier and allow kids to stay enrolled in their current school and not have to completely say goodbye to their friends or old life.

Additionally, parents can utilize co-parenting apps or social media to provide each other with consistent updates of their children. That way they can feel connected to what their child is doing without having to talk to their co-parent in-person and in a home they once shared.